Tuesday, June 18, 2013

life

Giant sigh.

I feel as though these days I have many things to say, and many things to think about, but not a spare moment to say them or think about them. Why does not being able to keep a consistent and thorough journal as I did several years ago bother me so much? Lots of people go their entire lives without ever recording a single day or memory, whether written or otherwise.

But that's not me. That's never been me.

I think memories are sacred and precious. While I'm not ready to share about it just yet, my grandfather died recently. I spoke at the funeral, and the main sentiment behind what I shared was that i didn't know my grandfather very well, and that it would always be one of my deepest regrets. At the wake, the part that brought tears to my eyes even quicker than seeing my grandfather's body, was seeing all the pictures of him in his younger years. Pictures of a man I didn't know, a real man with a real family and real feelings who lived a very full and interesting life. And the fact that I was a stranger to that man saddened me on a level that I was so unprepared for.

I don't want to be a stranger to my kids, or my grandkids, or even my great-grandkids. I may not be traveling the world, or going to college, or curing any cancer, or amassing any trophies. But I am living a full and interesting life - at least in the eyes of my new, late twenty-something self - and I am happy. And I want my kids to know it.

There are things I want them to understand. First off, I married a man who was different than me in many ways, but completes me. He challenges me, without even knowing it, to be better at everything I do. He is an incredible husband - truly, better than any husband I've imagined for myself in past years - and the most perfect father I could have wished for my children. I am a better wife, mother, friend and person because of him. We don't always agree on everything, but we talk a lot and have managed to avoid any and all fighting this way. We make each other laugh. We don't take life too seriously. In fact, we're pretty lazy about it. We like to play more than work, and we hope our children will do the same.

I have two daughters, both of whom are more beautiful, sweet and loving than I ever hoped or dreamed they would be. I am still shocked that I didn't end up with a house full of boys, but now I can't imagine it any other way. I don't know what the future will bring, but for now we are happy with two of the most amazing little girls the world has the offer. They bring us much joy, and are constantly teaching us what love is, and how to do it.

I make coffee for a living. This may change eventually, but both Jeremy and I strongly believe that we are not defined by our jobs. We are not defined by what we do, but by who we are. And who we are is a couple of parents wanting to be their for their children. We don't own a house or a new car and we have no desire to keep up with the Joneses. We have simply chosen to live with less so that we can love our children more. We want to be with them, reading them stories, snuggling them in bed, playing with them in nature, teaching them about the things that truly matter - not what society tells them should matter.

I have always loved writing. I believe in it. I won't necessarily make money doing it, but it makes me happy. And you should always try and do the things that make you happy, as often as possible.

I like blues and folk and classic rock and any combination of the three. I like to garden. I like drinking beer, especially at the beach, and would like to learn as much about beer as humanly possible. I like to paint, and collect sea glass, and take pictures and read memoirs. I like stone walls. I think praying is essential to breathing. And I think I have the best mother in the entire universe.

There is more, so much more...and I hope to keep on writing about it all. I hope to keep sharing about the joys amd sorrows of parenthood and the evolution of being a wife. I hope my daughters will read this someday and know that they are not alone. That I have always been here, I am here now, and I will be here always. Even if it's just for them.

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me

My name is Audrey. I'm just a twentysomething learning how to master the arts of cooking, cleaning, working and being in a relationship, same as you.In between all that, I like to collect sea glass and salvaged furniture. Occasionally, I cut and paste scraps of paper together. In the end, I am hoping that all of these things together will somehow amount to something good. This blog is a journal of my efforts to get there.

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thesalvagedbride at gmail dot com