Sunday, May 19, 2013

the short of it

Bulletpoints, because that seems to be all I'm capable of handling these days.

1. My grandfather is dying. I put this point first so it could be followed by good news. My grandfather has two months to live...can you imagine? No one should know when they're going to go. I'm not sure what to say here. Papa was a horrible father to his own children...from what I've heard he wasn't particularly great at being a husband either...and he's barely made an effort to get to know any of his grand kids. Except for Abby. For some reason, he is quite fond of her, and his only request these days seems to be that he wants to see her. So of course we indulge. In the years after Gram Mary died, he has actually become a much softer man, and it's enough to bring tears to your eyes when you see him and Abby together. And she just loves him right back. I'm not sure how I'm going to handle his death myself, let alone getting Abby through it while maintaining her innocence. As always, I pray for a miracle. But in the event that he must leave us, I pray that Abby will continue to be a source of joy for him. I pray that he is safe and comfortable. I pray that he finds peace in God and within himself. And I pray that these last two months are truly the best he's ever had.

2. Sadie is rolling over. Isn't it a little soon?! I couldn't believe that it happened today. I was actually taking a picture of her propping herself up on her arms and holding her head up...because I thought THAT was amazing...when suddenly she began teetering and just as I snapped the photo, she rolled over! At 7 weeks old. It's all happening too fast!! And of course I didn't get it on video. Which leads me to my next point...

3. No video camera. This is absolutely heartbreaking. For two years I was unknowingly recording all our video onto the internal memory and NOT onto our memory cards, and looooong story short, I haven't been able to record anything since January. Abby's birthday, to be precise, when we ran out of internal memory RIGHT before singing Happy Birthday to her. I want to cry every time I think about it, and then cry again when I remember we will also have NO video of Sadie's first two months of life. I say two, because we FINALLY found someone who is able to fix our situation for us...is fixing it right now actually. May this man be forever blessed, and may Sadie forgive us for allowing such a stupid mistake to happen. :(

4. I am writing again. Yeah, I know, this should be really exciting but isn't because I'm like the boy who cried wolf except I'm the Girl Who Cried Writer. I've been saying that someday I'll be a published author since I was, I dunno, a day old? And to this day...nada. But it's time. If only because I am so sick and tired of Nicholas Sparks monopolizing on both the literary and cinematic worlds. Somebody pull him off the stage!!! Okay, so I really just need some extra cash. Who the heck cares why I need to do this? I just do. And so...I'm writing again.

5. It's been 3 years. Yes, May 13th was our anniversary. Three years ago we gave up the notion that we'd have a wedding come summertime, found out we were pregnant, and on a sunny Thursday morning drove to the town hall and said our vows under the trees by Siders Pond. Then we went to The Landfall in Woods Hole and had lobster rolls and chowder. It was a perfectly understated day, and three years and teo beautiful little girls later, we are stronger than ever.

6. Prudence Island. Ah, where to begin? Soon I will write an entire page about this wonderful little place that has already brought so much peace, joy and blessing into our lives. I am so grateful that our girls will get to enjoy it for many years to come!
Wednesday, May 1, 2013

my spring baby

On April 1, 2013 we welcomed our beautiful, sweet Sadie Leona Brown into the world. And she has been stealing our hearts ever since.

Weighing 7lbs 10ozs and 20 inches long, this little girl must have somehow known that when she was conceived, I was hoping for an April baby. Because she was "due" March 27th, and all along I somewhat expected her to arrive early, not just because she's my second baby but because for so long she was so active in the womb (towards the end, I couldn't get her to move no matter how much I poked and jiggled my belly!). However, my little girl waited to be greeted by some true warm weather and came instead the day after Easter.

I realize I am writing...no, finishing...this post an entire month after Sadie's birth, and I'm not happy about it. Nearly every single day since then I intended to try and write something...but dear God have I been busy! This whole family of four business is much, much harder than it looks in the Disney brochures. I wouldn't even want to attempt describing what a normal day for us now looks like, if only to avoid scaring whoever's reading this out of having children (and we want more??!).

BUT.

There is so, so much love in this home. So much joy. And I honestly wouldn't trade our life for any other. Yes, things are a lot more challenging around here. What things, you might be asking. Pretty much everything. And I'm still trying (some days, I'll admit, not hard enough) to figure it all out...how to pee and shower and feed myself, keep the girls safe and fed and clothed and dry, make dinner, get outside, and make sure each of the girls is getting enough of my attention. That's what concerns me the most in all this. The splitting myself in two deal (three, if you consider my husband). I love that up until now I've been able to give Abigail all of me. She had all of my love and attention every single day, and now not only am I struggling to get one-on-one time with her and feeling guilty and sad about that, struggling to make sure Sadie has the same babyhood that Abby did. But she never will. And both of these truths bother me. To be honest, though I'm writing about it now, on a daily basis I force these thoughts from my head because otherwise they would drive me to tears!

But I'm trying. And hoping still that I'll get better at it.

Back to Sadie. Oh my, is she a sweetie. For the first couple weeks she just wanted to be held (remember back to our ultrasound, when we were already calling her Snuggly Sadie? That was so accurate!). I mean, I had to wake her up to eat, sometimes resorting to poking and prodding. All she did was sleep and snuggle! Now, she is much more alert when awake, and she's awake for longer periods of time. But she still sleeps a lot, and either way still wants to be held All The Time. Like, all...the...time. She is such a mama's girl (yay! Abby and I have a special bond, but she was always a Daddy's girl).

Just since yesterday, Sadie has started cooing. Oh, God, there is nothing that gets my heart melting like our babies' first "words." When they actually start focusing on your face, looking right into your eyes when you talk, their arms and legs wiggling in excitement...and they purposefully make a Noise. Noise, with a capital N, because it's not a cough or a sneeze or a hiccup or a cry but a real, honest effort to respond to you. It's to die for.

And Abby? She is amazing. She is blowing me away all the time with her maturity throughout this process. She loves, loves, LOVES her sister! She says so every day. And when she wakes up in the morning (in her big girl bed! Ack!) and I go and get her and bring her into bed with us and she smiles immediately at seeing Sadie and she touches Sadie's fingers and says, "Awww...look at her! She's so beautiful"...I am lost. Lost in love, lost in a big fat puddle of MUSH. How did we get so lucky with this girl?? The day may soon come, but so far she hasn't shown one bit of resentment towards Sadie. Just pure, sweet, simple, sisterly love.

So this is our life now. The four of us, figuring it out. Running behind, getting frustrated, learning slowly. But we're doing it together, and that's what gets you through. The togetherness.

Happy One Month, sweet Sadie! We love you. <3

me

My name is Audrey. I'm just a twentysomething learning how to master the arts of cooking, cleaning, working and being in a relationship, same as you.In between all that, I like to collect sea glass and salvaged furniture. Occasionally, I cut and paste scraps of paper together. In the end, I am hoping that all of these things together will somehow amount to something good. This blog is a journal of my efforts to get there.

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thesalvagedbride at gmail dot com