Wednesday, May 1, 2013

my spring baby

On April 1, 2013 we welcomed our beautiful, sweet Sadie Leona Brown into the world. And she has been stealing our hearts ever since.

Weighing 7lbs 10ozs and 20 inches long, this little girl must have somehow known that when she was conceived, I was hoping for an April baby. Because she was "due" March 27th, and all along I somewhat expected her to arrive early, not just because she's my second baby but because for so long she was so active in the womb (towards the end, I couldn't get her to move no matter how much I poked and jiggled my belly!). However, my little girl waited to be greeted by some true warm weather and came instead the day after Easter.

I realize I am writing...no, finishing...this post an entire month after Sadie's birth, and I'm not happy about it. Nearly every single day since then I intended to try and write something...but dear God have I been busy! This whole family of four business is much, much harder than it looks in the Disney brochures. I wouldn't even want to attempt describing what a normal day for us now looks like, if only to avoid scaring whoever's reading this out of having children (and we want more??!).

BUT.

There is so, so much love in this home. So much joy. And I honestly wouldn't trade our life for any other. Yes, things are a lot more challenging around here. What things, you might be asking. Pretty much everything. And I'm still trying (some days, I'll admit, not hard enough) to figure it all out...how to pee and shower and feed myself, keep the girls safe and fed and clothed and dry, make dinner, get outside, and make sure each of the girls is getting enough of my attention. That's what concerns me the most in all this. The splitting myself in two deal (three, if you consider my husband). I love that up until now I've been able to give Abigail all of me. She had all of my love and attention every single day, and now not only am I struggling to get one-on-one time with her and feeling guilty and sad about that, struggling to make sure Sadie has the same babyhood that Abby did. But she never will. And both of these truths bother me. To be honest, though I'm writing about it now, on a daily basis I force these thoughts from my head because otherwise they would drive me to tears!

But I'm trying. And hoping still that I'll get better at it.

Back to Sadie. Oh my, is she a sweetie. For the first couple weeks she just wanted to be held (remember back to our ultrasound, when we were already calling her Snuggly Sadie? That was so accurate!). I mean, I had to wake her up to eat, sometimes resorting to poking and prodding. All she did was sleep and snuggle! Now, she is much more alert when awake, and she's awake for longer periods of time. But she still sleeps a lot, and either way still wants to be held All The Time. Like, all...the...time. She is such a mama's girl (yay! Abby and I have a special bond, but she was always a Daddy's girl).

Just since yesterday, Sadie has started cooing. Oh, God, there is nothing that gets my heart melting like our babies' first "words." When they actually start focusing on your face, looking right into your eyes when you talk, their arms and legs wiggling in excitement...and they purposefully make a Noise. Noise, with a capital N, because it's not a cough or a sneeze or a hiccup or a cry but a real, honest effort to respond to you. It's to die for.

And Abby? She is amazing. She is blowing me away all the time with her maturity throughout this process. She loves, loves, LOVES her sister! She says so every day. And when she wakes up in the morning (in her big girl bed! Ack!) and I go and get her and bring her into bed with us and she smiles immediately at seeing Sadie and she touches Sadie's fingers and says, "Awww...look at her! She's so beautiful"...I am lost. Lost in love, lost in a big fat puddle of MUSH. How did we get so lucky with this girl?? The day may soon come, but so far she hasn't shown one bit of resentment towards Sadie. Just pure, sweet, simple, sisterly love.

So this is our life now. The four of us, figuring it out. Running behind, getting frustrated, learning slowly. But we're doing it together, and that's what gets you through. The togetherness.

Happy One Month, sweet Sadie! We love you. <3

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me

My name is Audrey. I'm just a twentysomething learning how to master the arts of cooking, cleaning, working and being in a relationship, same as you.In between all that, I like to collect sea glass and salvaged furniture. Occasionally, I cut and paste scraps of paper together. In the end, I am hoping that all of these things together will somehow amount to something good. This blog is a journal of my efforts to get there.

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