Sunday, July 25, 2010

the meaning of night

I am helplessly in love.

I have been captivated, whisked away to another world "full of great country houses," as the New York Times Book Review puts it, "epic loves, fierce anger and viscious habits." I have stepped through the looking glass, fallen down the rabbit hole, and landed head over heels in the arms of something both magical and frightening at the same time. And there is no going back.

No, i'm not talking about the Twilight saga. I have no interest in bloodthirsty vampires or natives who turn into wolves when provoked - these are the game pieces for child's play. I'm referring to The Meaning of Night: A Confession by Michael Cox. I'm referring to its 695 brilliant pages of pure seduction, thrilling deception, unrequited love and secrets so dark that only the dead dare whisper of them.

I must confess, even for someone generally enthralled by the challenge of long novels, i myself was fairly intimidated by such a lengthy tale, especially one that seemed to be strictly devoted to one man's drawn out confession leading up to one solitary moment in his utterly tragic life. But who could resist such an ingenius opening line: "After killing the red-haired man, I took myself off to Quinn's for an oyster supper."?

The words melted through the nooks and crannies of my poor, unsuspecting brain like butter on toast.

Who is this man? He's having oysters for supper? My, how i'd love to join him for - wait, wait, he's just murdered someone! And not even a specific someone, just any old someone! Insinuated by the description, "the red-haired man." If he must be so indifferent, then why such a detailed and intimate confession?

Thus began my obsession with Edward Glyver..."booklover, scholar, and murderer."

If you haven't yet had the privilege of meeting this man, i urge you to head to the nearest bookstore and purchase it immediately - or snatch it from Amazon, where you can get it for about 30% less than what i paid for it.

Furthermore, you can check out the website dedicated solely to this novel, the existance of which i was sadly unaware of until today. Though i'm nearly finished with the book myself, it was a pleasant surprise to discover maps of important places in the story, images that inspired certain characters and locales, and a Q&A with the author (one of the questions pertained to the possibility of Night ever being made into a film; mainly, who would play the main characters? And i realize this blog will likely never be read by Mr. Cox, or anyone affiliated with the making of such a film, but i'd like to put in my very strong vote for Edward Norton - in my mind, he simply IS Edward Glyver).

Even furthermore (i know, i know, how can this revelation get any more enticing?), Mr. Cox has since written a sequel to this unforgettable tale, entitled "The Glass of Time." How he could possibly manage to draw me in again so completely beats the Dickens out of me - but i look forward to him trying.
Wednesday, July 21, 2010


Our baby is growing so fast already.

We finally got to hear the heartbeat today. I couldn't believe how strong it was beating, or how clearly we could hear it! At one point the beat got even louder, to which our midwife smiled and said, "Whoops! It just swam a little closer."

Just knowing that my baby was so near and hearing its little heart beating so strong made me feel a thousand times better. Especially after learning that we weren't going to find out what it was for another four weeks.

We were disappointed at first, but now we just have something to look forward to. Sometimes, after admiring our first ultrasound and noting how very perfect our baby is already, i honestly don't even want to know what it is. It doesn't even matter. What matters is that it's healthy, and happy, and safe.

The real shock came when i stepped on the scale at the office and realized i'd lost nearly two pounds since my last appointment. How was this possible?! I was clearly bigger and my appetite has been out of control. After talking it out with our midwife, i can only assume that the hot weather, combined with sufficient work and excersize, is to blame. This left me with a bit of anxiety, and i actually felt as though i had failed my child for the first time. As though i've not been providing the right amount of nutrition that he or she needs. Now all i can think about every time my stomach growls is my baby suffering in hunger - silly, i know, but i can't get the image out of my head. I just never thought that eating enough would ever be a problem for me!

I am hoping that our vacation will help push me out of this rut. In about a week, we'll be driving to Maine, where we'll do nothing but exist as regular beach bums and eat all the lobster, steak and ice cream we want - Jeremy, myself, and our hungry little caterpillar.
Tuesday, July 13, 2010

the bump

I finally have a bump. Technically, it's been around for about a month or so already, but now there's no hiding it. I can't zipper my pants anymore; i think that's the official rite of passage into the 2nd trimester of pregnancy. In other words, getting fat.

It's still hard to believe there's a little person growing inside of me. But i know he or she is there, because the hard, round bulge that is my uterus is growing all the time. I can feel it, and i won't lie, it kind of freaks me out. It's like having a very large baseball lodged in your lower belly.

But i can't help being in love. I work in a very faced-paced, sometimes stressful environment, and i don't feel like i get enough time during the day to just BE pregnant, and enjoy it. So at night, before falling asleep, i lie awake in bed holding my belly and relish in the quiet. One of these days, i know i'm going to feel the baby move. But for now, i love just knowing that my body is still and that all he or she can hear is my heartbeat. It's nice that i can have this kind of intimate moment with my child before it's even born. I never really imagined that it would be possible until i could physically hold it in my arms.

When Jeremy comes to bed, he talks to the baby. I always thought one day i would adore watching my husband talk to my belly when i was pregnant, but it's even more wonderful than i was prepared for. He even sang a little song, one that i'm certain will aid in helping the baby fall asleep someday.

Next week, we find out what the baby's sex is. We struggled with this decision for a while, but finally concluded that we'd never be able to wait 6 more months to find out. I'm sure we could - and i think in the future we might try it. But our first ultrasound left us feeling like the baby is already a part of our family...and we want to know what to call it!
Friday, July 9, 2010

that's how strong my love is

Today we received our wedding rings in the mail. They are beautiful!

First, let me tell you who made them. Her name is Lisa Hall, and she owns a little bait-shack-turned-studio in Northeast Harbor, ME. A few months ago, i mailed her a pretty white piece of sea glass that Jeremy found for me and asked her to use it to make my wedding ring. I was so in love with her jewelry, and working with her was so fun and easy, that i asked her to make Jeremy's wedding band as well. I wanted them to be simple but mine feminine and his manly, to resemble eachother but not be too matchy, to appear weathered but still seem regal.

They are perfect.

The sea glass has much significance for me. In essence, Jeremy and i fell in love at the beach, and spent many an evening strolling the sand in various places in search of sea glass. These tiny little treasures seemed to represent us both very well. We had been through a lot of storms in life and were a little worn down, but it seemed that God had still chosen to render us smooth and beautiful for one another. Out of all the different interesting objects washed ashore, we were drawn to the one that would make us glisten while remembering all we'd been through to get to that very moment.

When i look at my ring, i remember our trip to Maine last summer (where ironically our rings were created), when Jeremy got down on one knee behind the Colonial Village Resort and proposed to me. Behind the resort is a long, valley-like depression separating it from the ocean that floods with water when the tide rises - so high that the resort provides canoes to get across when necessary. Earlier in the day, the depression was nearly dry, and we simply walked across to the other side. Later, however, as my feet were blistering from breaking in my new sandals and Jeremy's recently injured back was sore and we were both sweaty and tired and needed to pee, the water had risen so high that we would have had to swim to get across. This was not an option; we had chairs and towels and sunblock. Rowing was not an option; we had no canoe. About a hundred yards to the right was a very long bridge, which we would have to cross and then wait at the bus stop for a ride to our hotel...our hotel which was RIGHT THERE; i could have tossed a stone to it if i'd had the energy. All of this processed in my head, and i believe i whimpered.

That's when Jeremy, still shouldering the chairs and carrying the towels, got down on his knee and asked me to marry him. I couldn't have asked for a more perfect proposal. I said yes, and we made the laborious journey together through soft, burning sand to the bridge, waited for the bus, and finally made it back to our hotel.

Even though the sea glass on my ring doesn't come from that vacation (there is, in fact, NO sea glass whatsoever at Ogunquit Beach, oddly enough), it still reminds me of Maine and of our love - strong, fun, and able to overcome any obstacles that are presented to us. Whatever the future holds, we are in it together, no matter what.

Some people they call me crazy
for falling in love with you
Well, they can take me and lock me away, baby
cause there's nothing those bars can do

I'll be the rising moon after the setting sun
just to let you know you'll always have someone
I'll be the clearest day when the rain is done
So you'll always know

Through the shake of an earthquake
I will never fall
That's how strong my love is
Like a ship through the storm,
we can risk it all
That's how strong my love is

I used to feel kinda lonely
cause the world, it can be so fake
All that matters, I'm telling you
is you and me only
and the fortress from love we make

I'll be the water you need
in the desert land
just to let you know you'll always have my hand
I'll be the woman you need
to be a better man
So you'll always know

Through the shake of an earthquake
I will never fall
That's how strong my love is
Like a ship through the storm,
we can risk it all
That's how strong my love is

ohh, can't nothing break us down
ohh, cause we are heavenbound
like a mountain standing tall, immovable
we're here to stay
ohh, can't nothing get in the way

Through the shake of an earthquake
I will never fall
That's how strong my love is
Like a ship through the storm,
we can risk it all
That's how strong my love is

Through the deepest waters
i won't let you drown
That's how strong my love is
It's a balloon in the sky
that will never come down
That's how strong my love is
That's how strong my love is
That's how strong my love is

- "That's how Strong my Love is" Alicia Keys


My name is Audrey. I'm just a twentysomething learning how to master the arts of cooking, cleaning, working and being in a relationship, same as you.In between all that, I like to collect sea glass and salvaged furniture. Occasionally, I cut and paste scraps of paper together. In the end, I am hoping that all of these things together will somehow amount to something good. This blog is a journal of my efforts to get there.


thesalvagedbride at gmail dot com