Saturday, October 2, 2010

you belong here

Little Abby,

How can i have so much love for someone i've never even seen or met before? I ask myself this question every day.

Yes, i've seen you in ultrasound pictures. But those don't tell me what your hair smells like, what color your eyes are, or what your laughter sounds like. I've felt all your movements - boy, are they getting interesting. Every morning i wake to a hardened stomach, and i look down and put my hand on my belly because there is your sleeping body, head on my left side and bum on my right. You must be sleeping pretty well to still be stuck in that position when i stir, and you stay sleeping now even while i shower. I imagine you enjoy the soft patter of rain on your little roof. You wake up for breakfast, of course. Then, as i begin my work day, before the sun rises, you like to sit on my bladder and kick for a while, making me run straight to the bathroom. Generally, you are lulled back to sleep as i'm constantly in motion for the next six hours. Sometimes you wake for lunch, especially if i put the phone to my stomach during my break and Daddy says hello to you. You love fruit. After work i take another shower and this is when you start getting really anxious for Daddy to come home. He walks in the door and gives you a kiss, and then you are ready for dinner. And i do mean READY. You are a big fan of food like me, which is unfortunate for both of us right now because as you keep getting bigger, room for all that food is getting smaller - so as hungry as we are, we simply can't fit as much in there as we used to. But that's okay. You seem to be satisfied, and proceed to kick and poke and squirm about for the next couple hours, much to our happiness. There is nothing we enjoy more than feeling you right there with us.

So i suppose, in a way, i have met you. Still, i can't wait for the real thing.

I can't wait to take you to all my favorite places. The little nooks and crannies in our world that hold special meaning to us. I can't wait for you to meet your extended family - they are so excited to welcome you! I can't wait to hear you giggle for the first time. To see your reaction when you finally get to touch a dog, a flower, the ocean. To watch your face light up as you pick me out of a crowd of other mothers. I never imagined what that kind of moment would be like until yesterday, when i saw a little girl recognize her mother at a daycare center. I started to choke up. Because that will be you and me someday.

I'll love you forever, i'll love you for always,
Mommy

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me

My name is Audrey. I'm just a twentysomething learning how to master the arts of cooking, cleaning, working and being in a relationship, same as you.In between all that, I like to collect sea glass and salvaged furniture. Occasionally, I cut and paste scraps of paper together. In the end, I am hoping that all of these things together will somehow amount to something good. This blog is a journal of my efforts to get there.

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