Saturday, August 7, 2010

pitter patter goes my heart

My darling baby,


Daddy and i returned home today from Maine. We were very sad to leave this morning, torn emotions compounded by a long and tiresome ride home (thanks to lots of weekend traffic, a bikeathon, a blues festival, and the fact that mommy needed to stop a few times to pee).


Every moment of our time in Maine was wonderful. The quiet, lazy days at the campsite. The exhilarating days at the beach (Daddy was the only one there who knew how to bodysurf; he's the best wave rider i know). The visit from Jeremy's parents that led to indulgent dinners and one very long, interesting walk along the Marginal Way in the dark. The way Daddy and i loved each other's company and were always cracking each other up.


We love pointing out all the children that we think resemble what you might look like in the future, whether they're one year old, five years, or ten. Especially in Maine. "There she is," Jeremy will say, nodding at a tiny girl with curly hair splashing around at the beach, "that's our little girl." Or "That's you and our son," I'll say, watching a boy and his father building sandcastles. "He's going to love playing with you. You're going to be the best dad in the whole world."


The most pleasant surprise, though, came on the very first day we arrived. We had unpacked our car, set up our campsite, and showered. We planned to go out to dinner and walk the Marginal Way, but first we wanted to take a nap. So we crawled into the tent (it's brand new and VERY big; we bought it knowing that we'd be taking you with us next year), sprawled out on the air mattress, and closed our eyes, enjoying being peaceful as a warm breeze blew through the tent and soothed our souls. And that's when i felt you move inside me for the first time.


You came alive for us in Maine. Your movements were small, just gentle pokes in my belly, but they were enough. Daddy placed his hand on me, and although he couldn't feel anything, he smiled. We both agreed that you must have been able to sense that, finally, after working so hard for so long, i was starting to relax, and that maybe you were already enjoying Maine as much as we were. Certainly after i began eating things like lobster and steak and fried clams. It seemed that you quite liked those, and proceeded to let me know when you were ready for more (which these days is basically all the time!).


I'm not sure if you can hear my voice just yet, but i hope you can feel my love for you. When i feel you moving around inside me i smile, and when i think about seeing your face for the first time my heart swells and my eyes fill up with tears. You were real to me before, but now i know that you're happy and well, and i couldn't ask for anything more. On the 18th we will find out your sex, and though the thought is exciting, no matter what you are - boy or girl - we will be overjoyed knowing that God has chosen you specifically to make our family three.


Love always,
Mommy

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me

My name is Audrey. I'm just a twentysomething learning how to master the arts of cooking, cleaning, working and being in a relationship, same as you.In between all that, I like to collect sea glass and salvaged furniture. Occasionally, I cut and paste scraps of paper together. In the end, I am hoping that all of these things together will somehow amount to something good. This blog is a journal of my efforts to get there.

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