I am 40 weeks and 5 days pregnant.

Little Abby seems quite content living inside my full-term belly. As of this moment, i still have yet to experience a single contraction, or any signs of labor for that matter. How can this be? I knew she probably wouldn't arrive "on time," so to speak, but i wasn't prepared to not be feeling anything in the meantime!

More than that, i wasn't prepared for the roller coaster of emotions that comes along with waiting for your own baby to be born. I've been told that the weeks following delivery can be quite messy as far as emotions go, but no one told me that the weeks preceeding delivery can be similar.

I am weepy. I'm excited. I'm frustrated. I'm nervous. I'm ready. Sometimes, i'm all of these things all at once. And that makes for a very difficult wait.

She could be here at any moment of any day, and yet that moment seems so far away. Where is our little girl? I don't want to rush her, but i'm so, so anxious to see her face! I try to picture it, but i can't. Finally getting to see what she looks like is going to be the best surprise either of us will ever know. Getting to hold her, touch her, smell her, kiss her, love her. Getting to know her - our daughter, the third member of our family.

Tonight we are scheduled for a fetal non-stress test at the hospital where she will be born. After that, we will see our midwife. Seems like the perfect time to go into labor, doesn't it? But as we've realized, babies have no sense of time. They will come when they're ready, and that's all there is to it. And no amount of ice cream or dancing or bribery is going to make them change their minds.

Still...i am hopeful. :)

Before my baby is born, i wanted to make sure i took some last-minute photos of my belly.




I've been looking for a good excuse to experiment with this aged photo application.




I love aged things.




I also love my belly.




I'm going to miss it.

What a wonderful Christmas we had this year.

Not only did i spend it with a very pregnant belly, and lots of snow...i also received a very special Christmas morning surprise: my brother. Though he could only stay for two days, the important thing is that he was home - with family - for the holiday. And that's the greatest Christmas gift any of us could have asked for.

Abigail has decided to hang around a little longer. She is due in ten days, and i am trying my best to appreciate every single one of these last precious moments with her snuggled up inside me. For the first time yesterday, i literally started to cry thinking about her not being in there anymore! I have been fairly anxious during this final month to get to the hospital and deliver, as the exhaustion and back pain have been almost too much to bear. But i can sense that my time with having Abby all to myself is coming to an end very soon, and i never anticipated such an emotional response to the end of pregnancy, but alas, here i am lamenting it.

Still, i am excited. The car seat is strapped in tightly, our bags are packed, and we're ready to go at a moment's notice. As i sit and watch the snow falling magically outside, i can't help but hope that the world will look much like this when Abby is born.

White. Beautiful. Pure. Just like her.

This morning at 2:30am i awoke to a very loud rustling noise. At first i was rather perturbed; i had finally almost made it through an entire night without waking up to a horrendous case of heartburn, and now this.

But then i was just curious. Jeremy was still on the couch, where he'd fallen asleep hours ago, so i sat there in the dark, alone, staring into the kitchen. The rustling went on for several minutes, at which point i grew slightly irritated. It sounded very much like someone wrapping Christmas presents, but who would be doing such a thing at 2:30am? And couldn't they keep it down??

Finally, i got out of bed (not an easy feat these days, but this mystery needed to be solved - besides, now i had to pee and Abby was awake and squirming about). I stood in the bedroom doorway and stared straight at the trash bag tied up on the kitchen floor, for that's where i eventually decided the noise was coming from.

How odd, i thought. Could there really be an animal rustling through our trash?

I have to admit, the thought was amusing. Mostly because all i could think of was Templeton, the gluttenous rat from Charlotte's Web, rolling around drunkenly after over-indulging on scraps at the county fair. Except that our visitor, i was certain, was a mouse. I couldn't even be mad at it - how could i, when it was clearly enjoying itself so? But it couldn't stay in our kitchen. I had to get up for work in two hours, and knew i'd never fall back asleep with that ruckus just a couple yards away.

I could tell my husband did not feel like doing a thing about our dilemma when i woke him from a very deep sleep. But mice nest in people's clothes, and chew them, and poop everywhere. Mr. Mouse would have to finish enjoying his meal outside - and so out Jeremy went with the trash, so that i could get a little more shut-eye. And i do emphasize the term little, as Abby was now ready to eat and my heartburn was acting up again.

I've suffered with heartburn throughout most of my pregnancy, but in the last week or so it has officially progressed to a full-blown case of Acid Reflux. I looked it up online, and apparently (according to one website, anyway) about 50% of pregnant women experience this problem. It is horrible. It seems that nothing i eat can stay down, but instead comes shooting back up my esophagus like a ball of fire searing my throat. And it burns on and off all day, but the worst of it comes at night. As if getting comfortable in bed and falling asleep isn't hard enough these days!

This ninth month is brutal. I'm trying not to let it overwhelm me, but instead to continue enjoying being pregnant while i can. Reading back on how i felt when i first found out i was pregnant, i feel sad that it's all coming to an end. I know, i know - this is only the beginning, really, and much more wonderful, sweet moments are coming. But i will miss my belly, and especially Abby inside of me, mysteriously making me fall in love with her more each day despite the fact that she's completely hidden and soundless.

Our Christmas tree is up, all the lights hung with care
In hopes that our Abigail soon will be here...

It's been over a month since i last posted. I have to say, it's been a lot harder to find time to write during my pregnancy than i expected. But i think this is a good thing. Because it means that i'm accomplishing what i set out to do from the very beginning, which was to make sure that i truly made an effort to enjoy every bit of my pregnancy - including just sitting on the couch sipping tea and feeling Abby move inside of me instead of sitting at the computer writing about it.


But i have a moment now, and i do feel that it's important to document a few things whenever possible. Such as what i've learned from this experience. Naturally, there are a lot of things i could contemplate, but the one i have been focusing on lately is simplicity.


The last few months have been a whirlwind, to say the least. The chaos and stress involved in getting ready for a baby can certainly make your head spin, but i was determined not to let that happen for us. One way that i tried to stave it off was by simplifying our home as much as possible. By focusing much of my energy on cleaning and throwing things away, i've been able (for the most part) to keep myself sane. You would think that living in a tiny, one-bedroom apartment would be enough to stop us from amassing the type of extraneous items that most house-dwellers tend to collect over time - but this is not the case. We still managed to find a ghastly amount of STUFF lying around, collecting dust, subliminally adding to our overall feeling of anxiety. So we've adopted the whole "when in doubt, throw it out" rule, deciding that anything that didn't hold special meaning to us had no place in our home anymore.


Anyone who knows me well knows that the start of this process was difficult for me. I've been a pack rat all my life, forging theories like "well, i might need this someday" or "someone gave this to me, i can't just get rid of it" or "wouldn't it be wasteful to throw this away?" And the answer, of course, is no. It is not wasteful to throw away Stuff. It is far more wasteful, i've come to realize, to throw away the opportunity to have peace of mind and a simplified, stress-free home. Without all the piles of Stuff lying around, hiding in corners, in closets, under beds, i can focus on what truly matters. I can spend more time enjoying my husband instead of sorting through junk papers and cleaning out drawers. Life is about Us instead of Getting To Us.


The same idea will apply once our daughter is born. Now that we've de-cluttered our home, there is nothing to distract us from the most important thing in our lives - loving our daughter. Watching her play and having the freedom to explore, instead of discouraging her every move because there's too much Stuff in the way. Granted, when weather permits, we intend to spend as much time as possible out of doors. But when we come back to our nest, we know how good it will feel for it to be a clean one.


And now, some updated photos of the nursery...

It's been a while since i posted. There is a lot to encompass. But i wanted to start this post with that picture, taken right here in Falmouth on the night before our baby shower. Very rarely have i ever seen a rainbow, and this one (though we weren't able to snap a complete photo) happened to stretch into a perfect arch somewhere relatively nearby. We could literally see from one end of the rainbow to the other. It was stunningly beautiful. It was also very special to us, as it seemed to capture exactly how we're feeling at this stage in our lives together.


Peaceful. Happy. Content. Overwhelmed with love and joy.


We still have our rough patches, of course. Days when we let certain things stress us out, mostly finances. Nights when we don't get much sleep. Mornings when we wake up a little nervous about all the what-ifs ahead of us.


But there is a child growing inside of me. And that's always what it comes down to, what we remember as we're finally drifting off to sleep, as we listen to the leaves blow around us on our walk, as we stumble upon a beautiful rainbow.


Amidst all the chaos, a miracle is happening. Is this how Mary felt as she faced the birth of her Son? While our circumstances are obviously vastly different, i can't help but surmise that she still likely felt much of what i'm feeling on a daily basis. Fear. Anxiety. Elation. Wonder. Could she get through it? Would she be good at it? How would she handle it? What of the dangers, the risks? For back then, for Mary especially, they were certainly far greater than mine. And yet, she knew her fate and saw no other option. This baby was coming, and he was going to bless the world. Her son. And suddenly, those strange little kicks and pokes in her belly meant so much more. The labor pains were worth every danger and risk they could, and would, ever face. And on that clear, crisp night long ago, our Savior was born. A single star outshined all the others in the sky. Shepherds, kings, and sinners across the land looked up and were at peace. It was a sign of a promise fulfilled.


A rainbow.


While most rainbows are preceeded by a shower, ours was followed by one. On October 30, 2010, my mother threw us the most wonderfully special baby shower a daughter could ever ask for. There were at least 30 friends and family members, all women (except Jeremy, who wins Husband of the Year for sitting by my side all day helping me open gifts and making sure i ate well), all easily the most beautiful people i know, inside and out. My mother had decorated the house with the colors of autumn, warm and inviting. There was hot apple cider on the stove. The dining room table was laden with pies, cookies and fruit. The whole scene was right out of a Thomas Kinkade painting. And we were, quite literally, showered with gifts:








The greatest gift of all, though, was simply having all of our friends and family gathered together in one room to celebrate the arrival of our little girl. I know i'm extra emotional anyway these days, but the overwhelming feeling of love and support in that house honestly brought tears to my eyes. Every little book or sock or bath toy that was purchased was wonderful, but just a symbol of something greater that can only be felt by the presence of those that love and care about you.


So thank you, Mom, for making another dream come true, and for loving my little girl already as much as you've loved me. :)

It's been a long time coming, but the nursery is finally (officially) The Nursery. Why? Because Jeremy and i spent our entire two days off painting, cleaning, throwing stuff away, storing other stuff in the basement, and putting together the crib. Yes, the crib! It arrived so incredibly fast - and the mattress just a day later.



I apologize for the darkness...we set up the crib late afternoon. While this is only one half of the room, you can see how little space we have to work with! Still...it's a start.



Beautiful crib courtesy of Jeremy's amazing parents!



And here you can see the awesome wood-paneled ceiling that reminds me of a ship...which was actually one of the reasons we fell in love with our apartment. After deciding this room would be the nursery, i kind of wished i could paint the ceiling white. How SUPER cute would that be? Not to mention that it would brighten up the tiny space quite a bit. But since we've taken the liberty of painting all the other walls and trim (and more!) in the house, we didn't feel right touching this.



For now, the crib provides storage for the beginning of Abby's shower of gifts (okay, so most of the clothes have been bought by me...i can help it! I have a problem). Blankets were made by my grandmother. :)



I also had to get the bunny. Adorable and SO soft! Abby will love her.


That's all there is so far. Pretty soon i will share some of the inspiration for my vision of this room. For now, i am planning a yummy cake for my baby shower, which is only a week away! I can hardly believe it. By the way, is it weird to bake a cake for your own baby shower? Sometimes i wonder if there isn't a little bit of control freak in me. I like to think of it as more of an interest in being involved. In the same way, i could never see myself hiring a wedding planner, or a planner for any kind of party for that matter. I like to be a part of the things i care about.


Speaking of baking, that seems to be all i'm doing lately! That, and cleaning. In the last week alone, i've made banana pecan bread, pumpkin bread, chocolate chip cookies and fudgy double-frosted brownies. In between all that, i've ventured off on several deep-cleaning sprees...vacuuming, washing dishes constantly (i can't stand for a single utensil to be left in the sink), scrubbing the bathroom, rearranging the bedroom...the list goes on and on.


I suppose this means the nesting process has officially begun. I think i'd feel a little crazy if Jeremy wasn't right there with me every step of the way. I may be slightly more obsessive about it, but he's been extremely proactive in getting things done - not to mention very supportive of my baking endeavors. Despite all of our concerns, which i think every new parent has before the arrival of their first child, he seems so ready for Abby to be born and to be her father. Needless to say, i am more in love with him now than ever before. And this is only the beginning of the good things in our life to come.


Just 75 more days until we welcome our little girl into our family.