It's been a while since i posted. There is a lot to encompass. But i wanted to start this post with that picture, taken right here in Falmouth on the night before our baby shower. Very rarely have i ever seen a rainbow, and this one (though we weren't able to snap a complete photo) happened to stretch into a perfect arch somewhere relatively nearby. We could literally see from one end of the rainbow to the other. It was stunningly beautiful. It was also very special to us, as it seemed to capture exactly how we're feeling at this stage in our lives together.


Peaceful. Happy. Content. Overwhelmed with love and joy.


We still have our rough patches, of course. Days when we let certain things stress us out, mostly finances. Nights when we don't get much sleep. Mornings when we wake up a little nervous about all the what-ifs ahead of us.


But there is a child growing inside of me. And that's always what it comes down to, what we remember as we're finally drifting off to sleep, as we listen to the leaves blow around us on our walk, as we stumble upon a beautiful rainbow.


Amidst all the chaos, a miracle is happening. Is this how Mary felt as she faced the birth of her Son? While our circumstances are obviously vastly different, i can't help but surmise that she still likely felt much of what i'm feeling on a daily basis. Fear. Anxiety. Elation. Wonder. Could she get through it? Would she be good at it? How would she handle it? What of the dangers, the risks? For back then, for Mary especially, they were certainly far greater than mine. And yet, she knew her fate and saw no other option. This baby was coming, and he was going to bless the world. Her son. And suddenly, those strange little kicks and pokes in her belly meant so much more. The labor pains were worth every danger and risk they could, and would, ever face. And on that clear, crisp night long ago, our Savior was born. A single star outshined all the others in the sky. Shepherds, kings, and sinners across the land looked up and were at peace. It was a sign of a promise fulfilled.


A rainbow.


While most rainbows are preceeded by a shower, ours was followed by one. On October 30, 2010, my mother threw us the most wonderfully special baby shower a daughter could ever ask for. There were at least 30 friends and family members, all women (except Jeremy, who wins Husband of the Year for sitting by my side all day helping me open gifts and making sure i ate well), all easily the most beautiful people i know, inside and out. My mother had decorated the house with the colors of autumn, warm and inviting. There was hot apple cider on the stove. The dining room table was laden with pies, cookies and fruit. The whole scene was right out of a Thomas Kinkade painting. And we were, quite literally, showered with gifts:








The greatest gift of all, though, was simply having all of our friends and family gathered together in one room to celebrate the arrival of our little girl. I know i'm extra emotional anyway these days, but the overwhelming feeling of love and support in that house honestly brought tears to my eyes. Every little book or sock or bath toy that was purchased was wonderful, but just a symbol of something greater that can only be felt by the presence of those that love and care about you.


So thank you, Mom, for making another dream come true, and for loving my little girl already as much as you've loved me. :)

It's been a long time coming, but the nursery is finally (officially) The Nursery. Why? Because Jeremy and i spent our entire two days off painting, cleaning, throwing stuff away, storing other stuff in the basement, and putting together the crib. Yes, the crib! It arrived so incredibly fast - and the mattress just a day later.



I apologize for the darkness...we set up the crib late afternoon. While this is only one half of the room, you can see how little space we have to work with! Still...it's a start.



Beautiful crib courtesy of Jeremy's amazing parents!



And here you can see the awesome wood-paneled ceiling that reminds me of a ship...which was actually one of the reasons we fell in love with our apartment. After deciding this room would be the nursery, i kind of wished i could paint the ceiling white. How SUPER cute would that be? Not to mention that it would brighten up the tiny space quite a bit. But since we've taken the liberty of painting all the other walls and trim (and more!) in the house, we didn't feel right touching this.



For now, the crib provides storage for the beginning of Abby's shower of gifts (okay, so most of the clothes have been bought by me...i can help it! I have a problem). Blankets were made by my grandmother. :)



I also had to get the bunny. Adorable and SO soft! Abby will love her.


That's all there is so far. Pretty soon i will share some of the inspiration for my vision of this room. For now, i am planning a yummy cake for my baby shower, which is only a week away! I can hardly believe it. By the way, is it weird to bake a cake for your own baby shower? Sometimes i wonder if there isn't a little bit of control freak in me. I like to think of it as more of an interest in being involved. In the same way, i could never see myself hiring a wedding planner, or a planner for any kind of party for that matter. I like to be a part of the things i care about.


Speaking of baking, that seems to be all i'm doing lately! That, and cleaning. In the last week alone, i've made banana pecan bread, pumpkin bread, chocolate chip cookies and fudgy double-frosted brownies. In between all that, i've ventured off on several deep-cleaning sprees...vacuuming, washing dishes constantly (i can't stand for a single utensil to be left in the sink), scrubbing the bathroom, rearranging the bedroom...the list goes on and on.


I suppose this means the nesting process has officially begun. I think i'd feel a little crazy if Jeremy wasn't right there with me every step of the way. I may be slightly more obsessive about it, but he's been extremely proactive in getting things done - not to mention very supportive of my baking endeavors. Despite all of our concerns, which i think every new parent has before the arrival of their first child, he seems so ready for Abby to be born and to be her father. Needless to say, i am more in love with him now than ever before. And this is only the beginning of the good things in our life to come.


Just 75 more days until we welcome our little girl into our family.

I am taking a break from an insane evening cleaning spree to talk about my cleaning products.


Yes, you read that correctly.


Is anyone else as in love with their cleaning products as i am? Because i've been using Method's toilet bowl liquid and shower scrub for over a year now and i absolutely cannot imagine giving them up - EVER. Not only do they get the job done, but their eucalyptus mint scent is simply divine. Crack open a window to let that fresh, clean scent blow through the house and suddenly, everything is alright (at least until you notice that pile of dishes in the sink...).






So much joy from something as simple and mundane as a cleaning product. Who knew?


I should also mention that i use Method's sea mineral-scented liquid handwash in our bathroom too. Devoted For Life.





I don't know why i love to clean. I guess i find it therapeutic. And at 7 months pregnant, since i seem to be obsessed lately with cleaning everything in sight (and even some things that aren't), i can only view this as a good thing.


Okay, back to the madness! Or rather, dinner. I hear a good old-fashioned homemade macaroni and cheese with garlic bread calling my name...

It is after noon. We are about to take a nap. But we just wanted to say hello.






3 months, 3 days left to go...

Little Abby,

How can i have so much love for someone i've never even seen or met before? I ask myself this question every day.

Yes, i've seen you in ultrasound pictures. But those don't tell me what your hair smells like, what color your eyes are, or what your laughter sounds like. I've felt all your movements - boy, are they getting interesting. Every morning i wake to a hardened stomach, and i look down and put my hand on my belly because there is your sleeping body, head on my left side and bum on my right. You must be sleeping pretty well to still be stuck in that position when i stir, and you stay sleeping now even while i shower. I imagine you enjoy the soft patter of rain on your little roof. You wake up for breakfast, of course. Then, as i begin my work day, before the sun rises, you like to sit on my bladder and kick for a while, making me run straight to the bathroom. Generally, you are lulled back to sleep as i'm constantly in motion for the next six hours. Sometimes you wake for lunch, especially if i put the phone to my stomach during my break and Daddy says hello to you. You love fruit. After work i take another shower and this is when you start getting really anxious for Daddy to come home. He walks in the door and gives you a kiss, and then you are ready for dinner. And i do mean READY. You are a big fan of food like me, which is unfortunate for both of us right now because as you keep getting bigger, room for all that food is getting smaller - so as hungry as we are, we simply can't fit as much in there as we used to. But that's okay. You seem to be satisfied, and proceed to kick and poke and squirm about for the next couple hours, much to our happiness. There is nothing we enjoy more than feeling you right there with us.

So i suppose, in a way, i have met you. Still, i can't wait for the real thing.

I can't wait to take you to all my favorite places. The little nooks and crannies in our world that hold special meaning to us. I can't wait for you to meet your extended family - they are so excited to welcome you! I can't wait to hear you giggle for the first time. To see your reaction when you finally get to touch a dog, a flower, the ocean. To watch your face light up as you pick me out of a crowd of other mothers. I never imagined what that kind of moment would be like until yesterday, when i saw a little girl recognize her mother at a daycare center. I started to choke up. Because that will be you and me someday.

I'll love you forever, i'll love you for always,
Mommy

The sun is waning, the tourists are gone, and i'm starting to enjoy living on the Cape again.


As anxious as i am for fall to arrive, i can't bring myself to begin celebrating it just yet. Pumpkins and candy corn are already lining the shelves in stores, but i'm resisting the urge to indulge. Their time will come, but not now. Not this year.


This year, September is a month to reflect for me. A lot has happened in the last year of my life. I left my apartment in Plymouth for one a little closer to my dreams on the Cape. I married my best friend. I got pregnant. And then there's all the inbetween stuff, like planting a garden, trying out new recipes, buying my first tent, rearranging the furniture in our house AGAIN, and bringing home more sea glass, shells and rocks than any two people should ever amass in a lifetime, nevermind a year.


Unfortunately, much of the inbetween stuff never gets photographed. I think this is true for most people, and i find it sad somehow. Most of the things we capture on camera are milestones or major events like birthdays and weddings and vacations. But these aren't the things that make up who we are. And these aren't the things that we will be remembered by when we pass away. No one will remember that amazing margarita we drank in Mexico, or that we swam with dolphins in Anguilla. They won't remember what hor d'oeuvres were passed at our wedding or who won playing limbo at a party. What they will remember is the smell of our skin after we've been hard at work in the garden all day, the way we made them laugh during bedtime stories, and that there was always a warm, sweet confection mysteriously waiting for them at home after a bad day at school.


Like anyone else, i might never be able to capture all of these kinds of moments on camera. But some of them do turn up, and in the spirit of reflection, here they are - snapshots of summer 2010.



Jeremy at a Red Sox game



Just one of many amazing treats we've discovered at our favorite bakery, Pies a la Mode. This thing is so good that i don't even remember what it's called. One bite and you'll instantly forget all your problems!



A handful of peas from Mom and Dad Brown's garden. We also scored a truckload of pickles, peppers, cucumbers, tomatoes and asparagus from them!



Our front door, and a great "free chair to loving home" chair that i ransacked from my favorite antique store, Salvage Chic Antiques. It hasn't done much since i stuck it there (aside from providing a lovely place to drop things like mail, groceries, etc. while we struggle with finding the right key to open the door), but i think you'll agree that it looks very happy in its new home!



A harvest of cucumbers from our own garden - SO much better than store-bought! We were also able to grow a few tomatoes, a zucchini and, currently, an acorn squash. Not bad considering our planting conditions!



This just says summer to me.

Dear Abby,

This weekend a hurricane passed through Cape Cod. Thankfully, we weren't affected much. There was a lot of wind and rain that night, but you remained blissfully unaware. Instead of being afraid of the storm, you happily indulged in your very first pomegranate - my first of the season. Pomegranates are best in November, but this one was still pretty good. I LOVE pomegranates. I also love Autumn, and i'm waking up more easily these days just knowing that it's almost here. My favorite season. I can't wait to share it with you.

You are moving around a lot these days. So far, though, you've been gentle with me. It doesn't hurt when you kick, and you seem to be resting enough. I am still fascinated every time i see my belly pop up and down with your movements. Daddy has been able to feel them, too, which makes me so happy. Usually this is in bed at night. During the day, it is harder to enjoy your antics. Every time i lift my shirt or remove a blanket from my belly to show him, you stop moving. It's almost as if you're doing it on purpose - like a game. Are you playing hide-and-seek with us? One thought that i had was that maybe you don't like the quick transition from darkness to sunlight. I think you rather enjoy being snug and warm in there. One of my co-workers suggested that you might be shy when you arrive into this world with your own personality. Whatever the reason, you are certainly keeping me entertained!

Right now you are the size of a papaya. The rate at which you are growing astounds me. It seems like just yesterday we were calling you our little blueberry! I don't know why the world likes to compare babies to fruit, but i'd much rather consider you a peach or banana than a rusty nail or a telephone! They are nice examples. Still, i wish it were possible to get an ultrasound of you every time we see our midwife. Nothing compares to watching you stretch and swim on that screen - except, i imagine, seeing it all happen in person. Daddy will tell you, i am very anxious for this. We both are. There has never been a more exciting wait for anything in our lives than this wait to meet our little girl.

I pray for you every day. I hope you are safe, healthy, and happy.

Love,
Mommy