I haven't written in over a year and a half. This makes me sad, because there are a lot of things I would have liked to write about but just couldn't (didn't?) find the time. But it also makes me happy because I know all that means is that we have done a lot of living in all that time.

A LOT.

So why pick up again now? Well...why not? Any day is a good day to start again, and I think, or rather I really really hope, that in time I will be able to go back and fill in the blanks. Because there are a lot of blanks, and I don't like that. As I said, there is so much we have been through in the last 18 months as a family, so many trials, blessings and adventures. I want my children to remember it all; more importantly, I want to remember it all. And that's really why I'm picking up the pen again, so to speak.

Yep, you read that right...I mentioned muy children. As in, more than one. On this day, January 11, 2013, I am 29 weeks pregnant with our second baby - another little girl!

I can't tell you how elated I am to be having another girl. I started off thinking it was a girl, then slowly convinced myself (with lots of help from friends and family of course) that it was a boy. So once again, on the day of our ultrasound, I was a little surprised to hear Girl. Mind you, we almost left the appointment without finding out. This little munchkin was all snuggled up and our poor technician spent more than our allotted time slot with us trying every which way to get her to open up. I have to say, that appointment was not at all telling regarding how active this baby would be in the womb. Because ever since my third month, she has been All Motion, All the Time.

Her name is Sadie Leona. I have come to the conclusion that she simply named herself, because it came to us all of a sudden and it was not the name I originally chose for her. I had one name in mind for a long time, and then right before our ultrasound one night, I happened to be researching baby names just for fun. The name Sadie leaped put at me, and I mentioned it to Jeremy the next day. From then on, even though we kept insisting that we were undecided when people asked, we referred to her as Sadie at home. Eventually, we just felt bad at the thought of changing it on her. And so Sadie she was. And I was in love.

Leona also came about in an interesting way. Leon is Jeremy's dad's middle name, which was his dad's first name, and when we thought we might be having a boy we were going to bring it back as his middle name too. Then we found out we were having a girl. When Thanksgiving day came, Jeremy's mother's parents brought them a gift, an urn that was an old wedding gift to Grampa Wally's mother, as well as a beautiful black and white photograph of her. Her name? Leona. And on the car ride home I suggested it to Jeremy, and he loved it. So our little girl became Sadie (Princess) Leona (Lioness). Like I said...she named herself.

So that's the story of this pregnancy so far. Yes, it was planned. Yes, we were thrilled. And yes, we are looking forward to seeing how Abby interacts with Sadie and we are so, so happy that they each have each other to grow up with and love. I myself never had a sister, and while I'm pretty happy with how I grew up anyway, I always wondered. But now I can do one better. I can give each of my daughters a sister.

Another chunk of our lives that I missed writing about is our Last Apartment. The In-Between apartment. The Treehouse, as we sometimes referred to it. This is where we ended up moving once our landlords sold the house on Woods Hole Road - an apartment in the same house, right next door. Our neighbors had moved out, and while nostalgia made the decision to move a difficult one, in the end we thought it was right for us. It was bigger, had full-sized appliances, a washer and dryer, and a large deck off the living room which we loved. Though we only lived there for three months, and though we possess very few pictures of this apartment (thanks to my horrible tendency to feel like everything has to look "perfect" for picture-taking...im still kicking myself over this), it did grow on us, and we do have lots of special memories there. I would definitely like to expand on this chapter of our lives in another post, in order to give it the justice it deserves. Preservation of all our memories is so important to me.

In September 2012, as fate would have it, we made a huge decision that would alter many things for our family in a big way. We said goodbye to 251 and moved across town to an old farmhouse, circa 1830. THIS house will also need it's own post, an ode of sorts to all the ways it is simply perfect for our small but growing family. Most days, I have to admit, it feels like our Forever Home, though we don't own it. Perhaps someday, God willing, we will. Or perhaps God has a different plan for us. After all, whenever we think we've got it all figured out, the wind seems to blow in another direction. You just can never be sure where it will take you in this life.

There is more...so much more. But duties call, and for me that means getting to bed because yes, I still have to get up for work at 4:45 sometimes. However, no longer will I make excuses for not writing again. I want to write. I need to write. I can feel it in my bones. And whether one day all those words inside me will leak out like ink and turn into a novel, or I simply journal about my family for as long as it feels right, I will not stop until the wind blows all my words away.

Yesterday our landlords announced that they are selling 251. I was surprised at how devastating this news was to me.

As i lay here in bed beside my sleeping baby, listening to the wind and rain own the night outside the open window, i'm not contemplating the meaning of home. I believe in the old adage that home is where the heart is. It's wherever you are when you're surrounded by the people or things you love. It can be several places at one time, or one very specific place on a number of different occasions. But home, i've decided, is really more of a feeling than a place.

Warmth. Laughter. Memories. Hardships. Support. Love.

Alright, maybe i am contemplating the meaning of home. But yesterday, i wasn't. Yesterday i knew that, no matter how frustrated i sometimes get with our little postage stamp of a living space, right here and now, this is home. And i'm not ready to leave.

This is our first home together. It's where we had all our first arguments. It's where we went from engaged to married. It's where we made our first friends and neighbors as a couple. It's where we transitioned from sleeping on a mattress on the floor to a real bed. It's where we made meals together and chose paint colors and tracked beach sand that will be stuck between the creaky wooden floorboards forever. It's where we've put up two real Christmas trees and broke in through a window three times after locking ourselves out. It's where i labored all night long and where we brought our first child home.

All of these things make my heart ache when i consider the possibility that we might have to leave with summer. It makes any complaints that i've had in the past about this place seem so petty.

Where i once saw problems, i now see potential.

I hope. I wish. I pray...that we can stay.

Well, the title pretty much sums it up. Abby got her first tooth!

I'm not sure when exactly i realized this. People have been telling me for months that she's teething (seriously, i swear - starting from birth if your child drools even once, everyone that notices is going to proclaim that he or she is teething. After a while i stopped debating this and just did the whole Smile At The Woman Who Thinks She Knows Everything Including My Child Better Than Me thing. You'll fare well to do the same, when it's your turn.).

So now i can say it: No, Abigail wasn't teething.

But she is now.

Thankfully, the tooth doesn't seem to be bothering her too much - yet. I had been running my finger over her gums for days, thinking it might be That Time. My instincts were right. I finally felt it while allowing her to gnaw on my knuckle one day - ouch! My, those are some sharp gums! And, oh...that's a tooth.

We often find her sliding her tongue over the tooth, and she's been getting slightly whinier when she's tired. It's so sad. As a parent, your heart breaks when you know your child is in pain (kind of like the two times i've had to watch her endure a round of shots at the doctor's office - worst part of being a mom so far). Because there's simply nothing you can do about it, at least at this stage of their lives. You can comfort them, and that's great, but they can't yet understand that pain is only temporary. And that's something you just have to wait for them to realize when they're older.

Everyone should have a babymoon, i've decided. Typically, a babymoon is a vacation you take with your significant other a short time before your baby is born, before your lives are changed forever and nothing will ever be just about the two of you again. It sounds wonderful, but we never did it. Instead, we took our babymoon four months after Abby was born - on the anniversary of our first year of marriage.

I'm not really sure why the term "babymoon" is used for a trip taken before birth, since honeymoons are taken after marriage. After marriage, but before you start getting on each other's nerves (ha ha). You're still in love. You might have been dating for a while, but things are still new and exciting and you still genuinely want to be together 100% of the time. Shouldn't babymoons, then, be the same? We took ours now - after birth, but before, say, the terrible twos? - after we'd finally established somewhat of a routine, while things are a little easier but still new and exciting and we still want to be with our baby 100% of the time (yes, she still sleeps in our bed!). Our babymoon wasn't a final rushed attempt to savor our independence as a childless couple, but a weekend away with our child that would allow us to fully focus on, and appreciate, the three of us as a family.

No work, no phone calls, no worries. Just Mommy, Daddy, and Baby.

On Saturday morning, we threw everything into the car and drove to Maine. It was overcast, cool, and sometimes rainy, but it was just what we needed. We went there to get away from here, and we savored every minute of it.

Before we even checked into our hotel, we had lunch at the Maine Diner. This was the first time we had brought Abby into a restaurant, ever! In fact, it was the first time we'd been to a restaurant in ages. Jeremy and i always feel that we eat so well at home, and we do, and we love cooking together. But this weekend was a treat. We had lobster pie, and although Abby is too young to eat solid food, she did hold a spoon for the first time. It went straight to her mouth, as everything does these days, and she was an absolute doll during the meal. Waitresses stopped to smile at her and comment on her cuteness. As an elderly couple was leaving, the husband stopped to make faces at her and attempted to make her laugh. That's what we love about people in Maine - they are so friendly! And they are always so genuinely happy for you and your family.

After lunch, we checked into our hotel and put on another layer of clothing so we could go to Ogunquit Beach. It was foggy and nearly deserted, but those who were there were holding hands as they strolled the sand, or flying kites with their kids. It was a dream come true. Although Abby slept in her stroller, it was her first time on a beach at all, and it felt so special. Jeremy even wet his head in the water and took off his sandals! He is a true beach boy.

(the rest to come soon...sorry!)

I still remember one of the first things i said quietly to Abby when she was born: "Hi, Baby...i'm your mommy!"

In the weeks after, i said it numerous times gazing down at the most beautiful, amazing little human being i'd ever seen, realizing she was mine. And, perhaps even more stunning, that i was hers.

Even now, three months later, it still amazes me that i'm a mother. It feels so natural, and yet i'm still the same Audrey that i was before Abby was even conceived. Maybe better - no, for sure better - but deep down at the core, the same. And i would jump to the conclusion that i was never a mother before, but even that isn't entirely true. Because i've been dreaming of it all my life. I've worked side by side with the most troubled young people, and that gave me an outlet to care. I yearned for my true love and found him, and i finally got to be the wife that i always wanted to be. And now, i'm a mother in its purest form.

Joy.

I woke up this morning with my husband and our baby lying in bed between us, warm, cozy, secure. A room filled with love. Fat baby legs on soft sheets. We have to kiss her. It was probably the happiest morning i've had since the morning after Abby was born. She's mine, and i'm hers. This is our family.

Our Sweet Pea is starting to sprout!:



We visited Jeremy's parents, who were going out for lobsters (thank God we only have 6 days left until Maine), and then headed to my parents' house to meet up with my brother Tim and Grammy. Tim, Jeremy and i were having a clam boil for my mom. Tim brought the wine and bread and chorico, and we brought the corn, onions, potatoes and 18 pounds of clams. Yes, that's right - 18lbs! The employees at Kyler's Catch tried convincing us the day before that 12 lbs would do, but we didn't listen. And good thing we didn't, for there was nary a clam left at the end of the day!

All in all, it was a perfect little celebration of family and food, and giving one another what mothers most often need...Help!

I would like to begin this post by admitting that i never knew what a May Day was until i watched the BBC miniseries Cranford this winter with Jeremy. Still waiting for Abby to be born, my mind was a blank canvas for gathering ideas about how i would raise her and what sort of special traditions we'd start together.

When i saw all the members of Cranford, England dressed in their Sunday best sharing handmade goods and homemade delectables in a beautiful garden, i thought: that is adorable. And i immediately told Jeremy that i wanted to implement the tradition of a May Day in our family, starting with our little girl.

The origins of May Day go way back to pre-Christian times, and has over the years come to mean many different things to many different countries. In the United States, May Day was a day to deliver "May Baskets," small baskets filled with flowers and treats that one would leave on the doorstep of another and run away before they were seen, or else risk being caught and kissed by that person. Now, depending on where you live in the world, there are May Day parades, dances, bonfires and feasts. There is simply no end to the possible ways you can partake in this wonderful holiday.

As Abby is still too young to really understand the changing of seasons and how to celebrate them, there wasn't much i could do to make the day much different than any other. But it was a nice day - slightly cool, but sunny - and i was determined to begin this tradition right away. So i put on her sun hat and took her out onto the porch with me, where we used an empty organic milk carton to design a little bird house, and an empty organic egg carton to plant Sweet Pea (for my Sweet Pea, whose head still has plenty of growing to fit into that adorable sun hat).

In the future, i'd like to incorporate the May Baskets somehow. And maybe some jelly-canning. And maybe an all-out springtime festival. Though in order to accomplish all these things, we may have to have several May Days - and that's okay, right?

I have no idea if the Sweet Pea will grow (we are starting them indoors), and the bird house will take me some time (hard to focus on gluing a hundred little twigs to a milk carton with a baby), but it's a start. Our first little May Day together.

Today Abby and i had one of those walks that words can't describe and pictures would fail to capture. It is a time that i want to lock away in the deepest part of my heart and save for a day when i want to look fondly upon all the warm, gentle memories i have with my daughter.

The sky was perfectly overcast, cool and permeated with humidity. The ocean was calm and only allowed its waves to lick at the shore with the strength a lazy dog lapping water on a hot summer day. A heavy mist sank its claws into the air and fought the threat of rain as a thick, seductive fog worthy of any pirate ship seemed to swallow the earth. I could barely see several yards out to sea, and the rest faded away into a cloud of nothing.

We got on the Shining Sea Bikeway at Trunk River and took the path to Woods Hole. I listened to Bon Iver and my mind seemed to clear instantly. Sometimes i walked, sometimes i jogged. Alone with my sleeping baby, surrounded by such beauty, i felt so alive. My mind was free, my body rejuvenating. My heart swelling with love for life and my family and everything that empassioned me.

I wish for us all more days like these, where we cherish the time that we are given by embracing God's love for us in the beauty of His creation and the precious gift of each of those that we hold dear. It is so easy to get caught up in the mundane, the hectic, the worry. But if we just step back for one moment to breathe and look around, we will find that the wondrous are everywhere, just waiting to be savored like a little fog magic.